savoy076

He looks so good in that uniform... I don't know how many of you out there know your White Sox history as well as I do, but with this season finishing it's slow crawl into the shitter, it's time to get us a real legend. A man who gets into other players' heads, plays with a fire in his belly, and also can crush a breaking pitch will leading us to the ALCS. I'm talking, of course, about Jack Parkman. For those of you that don't recall, Jack Parkman is the superhuman ex-Indians player in the excellent Major League 2 who comes to play for the Sox and carries them to the ALCS with his chain-smoking, pitch destroying mannerisms. Also, his shimmy makes the ladies in Cleveland puke. Speaking from a pure statistical standpoint, I tracked the performance of Mr. Parkman throughout the entirety of Major League 2. Parkman starts the movie batting 1.000 in the 6th inning after only 3 hits on the board, and (we are told by Bob Uecker) is 2-2 with runners on the corners. See ...

1) Jay Cutler looks skinny. Not better, but skinny. Hey, at least there's less of him to hit. 2) I hope Johnny Knox kills Roy Williams in his sleep. Pillow case and some bars of soap... whatever it takes. I haven't hated a Bears player this much since Cedric Benson was out getting drunk on a boat and punching civilians. 3) Our secondary is severely undersized. Tim Jennings is 5'8, DJ Moore , 5'9, Major Wright , 5'11. If we can't get consistent, quick pressure from our D-line, we're going to get torched over the middle, especially by big receivers (Calvin Johnson (twice), Colsten, Finley (twice), Mike Williams, Vincent Jackson, Bowe - all on the schedule). 4) Marion Barber should be putting Chester Taylor out of work any day now. This is a good thing, being that Barber is actually good and Taylor is not. I'd consider Taylor one of the worst signings we've had in a long time (we paid him $7M guaranteed of a $12M, 4-year deal. Gag.). 5) The offensi...

Big Gabe Carimi cutting weight. Smells like bagels and lox The sex cannon is already in rare form... (By the way, I'd bet you he has better stats this season than Cutler. Not kidding.) My favorite couple ever.

Thanks to Erasmo Cortez Man, I love being able to wake up everyday and get ready to the sounds of Stephanie Abrams on The Weather Channel. I’d never had cable or anything before but when we got DIRECTSTARTV.com satellite I was tuned in all day long and now I can’t stop! I listen to her soothing voice while I’m brushing my teeth and getting dressed and all I can say is WOW, Stephanie , are you single? She’s the prettiest girl on TV right now if you ask me and she’s so smart…that makes her all the more attractive! I really wish I lived in Atlanta so I could try and get to know her but alas, I guess I’m stuck watching her talk about heat waves and weather patterns from the comfort of my own home. I guess that’s not too bad! Anyway, Stephanie, if you’re reading this you should look me up – I promise I’m not a total weirdo! I just have the biggest crush on you and I love what you’re doing over there at The Weather Channel.

Knox, en route Bears, what the hell are you doing? I just don't understand you guys sometimes. Getting Roy Williams was a step in the right direction (bring in some "veteran" presence to an otherwise young and inexperienced WR corps), but demoting Knox to 4th wideout on the depth chart ? Let's do a little number crunch, shall we? In 2010-2011, Knox had 51 catches for 960 yards and 5 TDs. When you remove the 2 Todd Collins starts, you get 49 catches for 920 yards and 5 TDs in 14 games. Last I checked, that's pretty respectable production for a WR in a ragtag group. Knox will be sitting behind people who put up the following statlines: Devin Hester : 40 catches for 475 yards and 4 TDs Roy Williams : 37 catches for 530 yards and 5 TDs And I'd like to remind all of you that "In His Prime", Hester was the 1A receiver on the 2008 and 2009 teams. Neither one of those years did he come close to Knox's numbers last year.

I don't care if this is from 8 years ago - it's still 100% accurate. Shaking my head...